Love

Women Who Escape Toxic Relationships Do These 12 Things To Stay Out Of Them Forever

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It can be hard getting over someone who's not right for you, especially when you don’t want to face the feelings of losing someone that you care about.

So, how do you get over a relationship with someone who's wrong for you?

Are you preventing yourself from getting over a toxic relationship?

Perhaps you keep focusing on all the good times and forgetting all the bad times because you don’t want to admit it’s over.

You may be holding on to false hope or looking for the good in them despite their bad behavior towards you. In this way, it may be difficult to know how to stop holding onto an unhealthy relationship.

You can get addicted to the dopamine from the love bombing and ignore your gut telling you that something is wrong when you confuse it for butterflies in your stomach. 

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You can fall in love with the fantasy of the person by projecting your hopes and unmet needs onto the person.

But it all falls apart when the person doesn’t become what you built up in your own head.

You see what you want to see in a person and hold onto what you want to believe, even though it might not be what's really going on.

Sometimes, it's hard to let go of the person you thought them to be, once you see their true colors.

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Perhaps you're struggling to acknowledge some core truths about your relationship because you’ve held onto hope that they can change.

When the truth hurts, you don’t want to accept it. What can feel worse is losing the person you thought them to be when this is not who they are, after all. 

It's easy to bury your head in the sand and refuse to accept what is wrong in your relationship, so you don’t move on from the person who hurt you.

You don't want to admit how you feel because you don't want to accept that the relationship is over.

Here are 12 ways to get over a relationship with someone who's toxic for you.

1. Stop trying to make things work.

Stop trying to fix someone if they can't give you what you need.

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2. Accept the truth.

This will allow you to let go of expecting something that you're not getting.

3. Be honest with the situation.

Acknowledge the fact that this relationship is over.

4. Cut all contact.

You need to break the bond.

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5. Don't dwell.

Get closure by accepting why the relationship has ended without dwelling on it.

6. Process your feelings.

You will feel the pain of letting go but it will be worth it.

7. Let go of the fantasy.

Right now, you're holding on to false hope and expecting things to be the way you want. It's time to let go.

8. Remember the costs.

Whenever you want them back, remind yourself how the relationship impacted your life and what it has cost you.

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9. Stop projecting your unmet needs upon them.

It's time to heal those parts of yourself.

10. Understand the unhealed part of you that attracted you to this person.

You can do this by engaging in therapy to unlearn patterns of behavior in order to stop attracting toxic relationships.

11. Focus on rebuilding yourself and giving yourself what you need.

This allows you to become the person you want to attract and eventually attract someone who is aligned with who you are.

12. Learn to set boundaries.

Stop abandoning yourself in relationships so that you don’t neglect your own needs.

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It's easy to stay stuck in anger, which can prevent you from getting over someone who is bad for you. Therapy can help to heal so you can feel your feelings and release the pain, so you can move on from a relationship that’s bad for you.

You can learn how to move on from a toxic relationship if you unlearn the patterns of tolerating unwanted behavior and thereby stop preventing yourself from getting the love you want.

You can heal when you work on the disowned parts of yourself that fear being rejected or that are looking for love in order to feel good enough.

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Nancy Carbone, M.Soc.Sc (Couns), is an author and relationship therapist who helps to release relationship blocks.

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This article was originally published at counsellingservicemelbourne.com.au. Reprinted with permission from the author.