Why Won't He Sleep With Me? 14 Reasons Your Boyfriend Or Husband Isn't Having Sex With You

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Why Won't He Sleep With Me? 14 Sad-But-True Reasons Your Boyfriend Or Husband Isn't Having Sex With You

Though most people will never admit it, there’s a good chance someone you know is struggling silently with the pain of living in a sexless relationship or marriage.

It's been reported that approximately 15% of all marriages encounter a dead bedroom at one point or another, and bad or infrequent sex is frequently cited as a leading cause of breakups. If you're experiencing similar problems, you certainly aren't alone.

I’ve heard women talk about boyfriends and husbands who stopped having any interest in sex whatsoever, leaving them baffled, hurt, and confused. They desperately want their relationships to work, and there’s often one thing they want even more.

They want to know why the man they love no longer seems to have a sex drive — at least, not with them.

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Honestly, I don’t have all the answers for these women. My advice for when your boyfriend or husband won't have sex with you (absent of an underlying medical reason or psychological factors he is actively working through in counseling) is that you should leave, since clearly, he doesn’t care enough to want to keep you happy.

However, that unsolicited advice doesn’t explain the “why” of the question.

If you’re if you're in a sexless relationship or marriage and your boyfriend or husband doesn't want to sleep with you, here are 14 reasons to consider.

1. He lost his attraction to you, through no fault of your own, and is too afraid to talk with you about it.

Anyone who’s ever experienced this firsthand knows it’s painful. One moment, you’re totally into them, the next, poof! All attraction just went out the window. It can and does happen.

The problem is, you can stop being attracted to a person sexually but still love them. A lot of guys don’t know how to break it off, so they end up just staying without wanting sex.

2. Antidepressants or other meds messed with his hormones.

Certain medications can cause libido to dip. In women, it often happens with birth control. With men, it’s usually antidepressants that are to blame.

Either way, if he's on medication and is experiencing a low sex drive, it may be time to consider taking a trip to the doctor to see if this may be the problem.

3. You let yourself go, and he's just not into you anymore.

Just because you’re taken, that doesn’t mean you can be a slob. You need to work on yourself to keep that spark alive; otherwise, just about everyone would lose their attraction to you.

4. He wasn’t ever into you, but wanted to use you for personal gain.

Ladies, this happens. It happens with gay men who marry women, with lazy or toxic guys who want a sugar mama, and others. Don’t think you’re exempt from being used for something other than the sex itself just because you’re female.

Once again, it’s not your fault, but this possibility is all the more reason to dump him.

RELATED: If Your Man Does These 5 Things, You're Being Manipulated

5. He’s depressed.

Depression and other forms of mental illness may be the reason why your boyfriend won't have sex with you. It's one of the most common reasons guys lose interest in sex, and pretty much everything else, really.

When you’re depressed, it’s hard to get excited about things you enjoy — yes, even sex.

6. He's holding onto resentments about something you did.

A lot of women who lose interest in sex with their partners lose interest because they start resenting their partners for not doing chores, constantly needing care, or something similar. The same thing can happen with men.

Either way, if resentment exists, it can mean a relationship is dead on arrival.

7. He’s asexual.

People who identify as asexual may be romantically to you, but they do not feel sexual attraction, even when they love you.

If he’s asexual, nothing you can say or do will get him in the mood, even if you are the very vision he's always dreamed of when he thinks of his “wifey.”

RELATED: 20 People Reveal What Being Asexual Is Really Like

8. He refuses to have sex with you because he knows the rejection hurts you.

Yes, there are people out there like this.

Yes, they reject you sexually because it makes them feel good knowing someone wants them so badly that they’ll cry over it when they can't

Yes, this is a form of abuse when sex is withheld with that intention.

Yes, you need to tell him to hit the road.

9. He's using sex as a weapon or negotiating tool.

This is also abuse. Affection, once weaponized or commoditized, is no longer affection — it’s manipulation, pure and simple.

10. There’s someone else involved (i.e., he's cheating on you).

Most people who have been cheated on will notice either an uptick or a sudden plunge in the amount of sex they’re getting. More often than not, ladies will notice a sudden drop in the amount of sex their cheating men want to have.

Too many guys tend to be lazy, and as long as they get what they want from someone new and novel, they don’t typically care to take care of your needs back at home.

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RELATED: Why He Doesn’t Want To Have Sex With You (And How To Fix It STAT)

11. He lacks confidence in the bedroom.

Yes, it’s true. Some guys lose their ability to perform because they’re really worried that they aren't satisfying the woman they're with. Unlike many of the other reasons listed above, this one may be fixable if you're both willing to talk about it.

12. Low testosterone killed his sex drive.

Men can have hormone problems as bad as women can. With men, a drop in testosterone often means that they won’t be interested in having sex, may feel irritable, and also may lose some strength.

If he can’t have sex with you, you might want to suggest he see a doctor to find out what’s up.

13. He works extremely long hours in a high-stress job and is too tired.

Yes, once in a blue moon, this is the true case. However, it also could just be an excuse not to have sex or to avoid dealing with other issues in the relationship, especially if it becomes a regular and increasingly more frequent occurrence.

14. He’s got a Madonna-whore complex and can’t see you that way anymore.

It’s possible for a man to see you in a certain light in which he "respects" you too much to actually enjoy the idea of having sex with you. Men with what Freud refered to as a Madonna-whore complex place all women in one of two categories: chaste (respectable, but not sexually desirable) and sluts (not respectable, but sexually desirable).

This unhealthy, misogynistic attitude often comes with other problems as well, which is why it should be a dealbreaker for you.

I just want to point out that wanting sex doesn’t make you a bad person, nor does it make you unreasonable.

If he’s not fulfilling his side of a relationship, you’re totally within your rights to walk away from the relationship.

After all, your needs matter and you deserve a partner who loves you enough to see that.

RELATED: The 3 Real Reasons Why Men Don't Want You After Having Sex With You

Ossiana Tepfenhart is a Jack-of-all-trades writer based out of Red Bank, New Jersey. When she's not writing, she's drinking red wine and chilling with some cool cats. You can follow her on Twitter for more.