The Absolute Best Way To Bounce Back After Losing Your Job According To An Expert

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It was a week before Thanksgiving. We sat in the conference room and only minutes later, I heard the words, "We are going through some changes and you are impacted." 

I was losing my job.  

In retrospect, I was amazed at my reaction to those words. I was calm. 

I reflected on what I had learned over the years of service with my team, on my time off traveling the world, in yoga training, and working with an executive coach. 

I was tired and I felt like my work was completely there. The company and management had made the decision, a decision that was out of my control. 

What was in my control was how I responded. 

Would I choose to be resilient or would I choose resistance? I had options for how I would handle the news. 

RELATED: 7 Ways To Cope If You Deal With The Constant Fear Of Losing Your Job

If you're losing your job as I did, what's the best way to bounce back?

Resistance

Resistance, according to the dictionary, means the refusal to accept or comply with something: the attempt to prevent something by action or argument. It also means the ability to not be affected by something, especially adversely. 

Do you want to fight? Do you want to argue? Or do you want to be unaffected by the event, the situation, and the change? 

If you are unaffected by a situation, you do not learn and you do not grow. You do not leverage the opportunity to transform your experience.

Being resistant only brings disappointment. You believe you are in control. You believe you are powerful and can stop the change and other factors in life. 

This is not always the case

You are not in control of everything. When you take time and ask yourself the two powerful questions — what is in your control and what is out of your control — this puts the events and experiences into a realistic perspective. 

It's from this place that you can make sound, logical, and beneficial decisions for your life. It's only from this place that you can respond to the situation, taking actions that are for your benefit. 

Almost everything else is just a reaction. The things that are in your control are your actions, your reactions, your responses to the situation, and how you view your experiences. 

The things that are out of your control are the decisions and actions of others, including the power struggles and the resistance we receive. 

What do you do instead of being resistant? What about the concept and choice of resilience? Note that there are exceptions. 

When your physical safety is at risk, you want to resist.

Resilience

Resilience is defined in the dictionary as the capacity to recover quickly from difficulties: toughness. It is also defined as the ability of a substance or object to spring back into shape: elasticity.

Why do some people suffer real hardships and not falter?

One person can't seem to recover their confidence after a layoff; another, persistently depressed, takes a few years off from life after her divorce.

The question that you want the answer to is why? What exactly is that quality of resilience that carries people through hardship?   

Being resilient provides you the opportunity to process change in a positive way. At times, even change that you desire can require a resilient mind and a resilient response. 

This processing allows you to be whole and gives you the ability to evolve to higher levels of consciousness and awareness. 

We, as humans, are integrated by our experiences and our knowledge. This is a healthy life if we can choose resilience instead of resistance.

If you can find the desire and the willpower to stop reacting and, instead, take a breath or two, or three, and reflect on the personal growth, education, and experience gained prior to the change, this can lead to a positive and uplifting perspective.

RELATED: 8 Reasons It's Hard To Move On From Job Loss (& 6 Ways To Get Back On Your Feet Again)

So, when I received the news about being laid off, it took a moment to register in my mind. 

I thought I had more time before the change would come. I became highly aware of my emotions and my reaction. 

I stopped, in the moment, and began to ask the questions silently; "What do I want and who do I want to be? What actions will help me realize this?"

In asking those questions, I realized the opportunity to be resilient and not resistant. So that evening, I started practicing resilience by answering questions.

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What do I want?

I want a position with a responsibility that aligns with my values and my principles. I want a position that's in service of others and is helpful for all involved, including myself. I want to be respected and appreciated.

Who do I want to be?

I want to be a person of integrity. I want to be someone who's remembered by their grace and positive outlook on life and all experiences. 

I want to be strong for those that will follow me in the layoffs and I want to demonstrate the ability to accept what is happening and to walk forward with confidence.

What decisions and actions can help me achieve this?  

I can decide to go with what's happening and avoid negotiation. I can be thankful for the time, experience, knowledge, and the opportunity for personal growth and development.

I can continue to have compassion for others and all involved. I can continue to reflect on my experiences and gain insight to help me get to the next career path

I can trust that I will find a place and role that will desire my skills, knowledge, and be aligned with my personal values and goals.

What do I fear?

I fear not having enough and not finding work in time to meet my financial needs. I fear losing the friends I have created over the years in the company. I fear being forgotten.

These are the questions I asked myself years ago. These are the questions I ask my coaching clients today. It's this practice that truly provides the support to move forward. 

I have walked the path of job loss and job change. Because of this, I am able to show up for my clients with compassion, empathy, and understanding. 

RELATED: 3 Ways Your Body Is Telling You It's Time To Quit Your Job

Lynette Baker is ​​an Executive/Leadership and Transformational Life Coach with LB Coaching, LLC. For more information, visit her website or e-mail her.