12 Tough Things You Must Do If You Choose To Stay With A Cheating Husband

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What To Say To Your Cheating Husband If You Want To Fix Your Marriage
Heartbreak

You caught your husband cheating and now you know the truth. What are you going to do? You never thought you'd see the day where you'd be thinking of what to say to your cheating husband.

You wanted to believe him, to trust that he was faithful, to forgive him for neglecting you, letting you down and disappointing you, because you felt his intentions were true.

You thought that if you gave him some time and space your relationship would improve and feel good again. You even rationalized that if he just told you the truth, you might get angry, but you could forgive and forget.

What a shock it must have been for you to discover that he lied to you and your suspicions about his infidelity were based in reality.

RELATED: 14 Signs It's Safe To Forgive Your Partner For Cheating

It hurts to finally confirm that all the emotional turmoil you experienced wasn't, in fact, just because you were insecure, inadequate or paranoid. Something didn't feel right and your gut was telling you so.

Now you're faced with your own real-life dilemma.

Should you continue working toward improving your marriage or should you just let go and move on? How do you get back those loving feelings and a sense of security and trust after finding hard, cold evidence that your partner cheated on you?

What can he possibly say or do to gain back your sense of trust and loving adoration of him? What would it take for you to believe his words of praise and love for you? What must happen for you to once again feel like a beautiful, sexy and desirable woman, loved and cherished by her man for the rest of your life?

You're probably asking yourself so many questions that your mind is flooded to the point of being overwhelmed with conflicting thoughts.

Was your marriage boring, uninteresting and monotonous? What does this other woman have that you don't? Is she more beautiful, worldly, or sophisticated? Is she a better lover? Does she stand up to him more or act more vulnerable and innocent? What has she done to win his heart, lust and desire?

If you didn't immediately throw your husband out of the house or insist that he pack up and leave, you will probably experience a living nightmare for the next few weeks, months or even years.

Sometimes, that painful war-like connection remains indefinitely, with neither husband nor wife ever filing for divorce.

Sometimes, the jealousy and rage from you a woman feels toward her cheating husband seems to peak and then fall, lurking in the background with constant potential to explode.

So, what can a reasonable woman do once her beloved spouse crosses the line of infidelity? Once you've discovered the truth, neither of you can ever turn back the clock.

RELATED: These 3 Signs Will Tell You Whether To Stay Or Go After His Affair

Here are 12 steps that are required without any guarantee of positive results.

1. He must be willing to admit his guilt and express sincere sorrow for betraying you.

2. You must fully express to him your hurt, anger and rage.

3. He must let you know that he fully comprehends the enormity of what he did.

4. He must be willing to make a continual effort in words and deeds to prove he will never cross that line again.

5. He must be willing to listen to you, over and over again, expressing your intense emotional pain from his betrayal.

6. You must develop some empathy for the emotional insecurities that led him to seek another woman's approval.

7. You must tell him how much you need to be loved and feel safe enough to let go.

8. He must agrees that he's willing to do everything possible to restore the emotional wellness of your marriage.

9. You must both consider participating in marriage counseling, sex therapy, or an intensive group experience.

10. You must him open his heart to you, and allow him to share with you his fears and his emotional fragility.

11. Above all, he must listen to you, listen to you, and listen to you until you feel confident he has heard you fully.

12. Whether or not he joins you for couples counseling, you should seek help for your own unresolved issues.

Even after all is said and done — after you've talked about everything and rehashed that you want to try again — in the end, you may never be able to fully forgive and forget.

You may choose to let it slide and remain connected, always feeling a bit on guard, wondering when he will hurt you again. Or you may decide it is best for you to split up and give yourself the opportunity to meet someone new.

Breaking up or getting divorced isn't always the best solution. Many couples do get their relationship to work again and come to a new understanding.

After following these suggestions and finding some new ways to stay together, you may feel both of you are ready to recreate the love and passion in your marriage, no longer fearing he will cheat. Sometimes, love does prevail.

RELATED: 13 Subtle Signs Of Cheating You Probably Would Never Suspect

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Erica Goodstone, Ph.D., is a psychotherapist, marriage counselor, certified sex therapist, somatic body psychotherapist, and board certified life, health and wellness coach.