10 Telltale Signs He's Cheating On You

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Is He Cheating On Me? 10 Signs Your Partner Is Cheating
Heartbreak

He's acting differently, but you just can't put your finger on why. Then, his cell phone rings in the middle of the night and he doesn't have a good explanation.

Is he cheating?

We've all heard stories of cheating men who try turning things around in their defense, like accusing you of cheating or violating his privacy by looking at his phone, but those are just the obvious signs of a man who is definitely cheating on you.

After interviewing 50 cheating men and a number of their wives (and ex-wives), there are several subtle clues that many women remain unaware of for far too long.

Based on their responses, here are 10 common signs of cheating to look for if you suspect your boyfriend or husband may be seeing someone else.

1. He strays from his predictable everyday behavior.

What he said: "My wife knew I was cheating before there was any real evidence. She said she should could just tell."

After spending time with someone for a number of months (or even years), you know their typical behavior. You know how they act in certain situations, and when they act differently you want an explanation — if not cheating, then something else real and tangible.

In this respondent's case, when he started his affair, he would grab his phone and head into the restroom for 20 to 30 minutes. His excuse: He was that he was reading his email and the news. The only problem was, his phone bill showed a different story entirely — lots and lots of text messages exchanged with another woman's number.

RELATED: How To Tell If He's Cheating (Or If You're Just Paranoid)

2. He has unpredictable mood swings.

What he said: "I was constantly looking for reasons to get away, and it was hard to think of new excuses all the time. So, I'd start a fight with her."

Being angry in an instant — or being overly nice — is a red flag. There's no real reason for him to leave, so he has to create one. New activities, such as him going out all the time but never mentioning it until afterward, is a glaring example.

If he was going somewhere and had no reason to hide it, he would most likely talk about it with you.

3. He has a rapid change in his weight or appearance.

What he said: "After I started my affair, I dropped like 10 pounds in about a week. It was crazy."

Cheating men change physically. Their love handles disappear, their posture changes and their muscle tone/definition returns. It's the body's primal means of preparing for courtship — he's readying himself to attract a mate.

In addition, cheating men start taking much better care of themselves and take a lot of pride in their appearance. He's suddenly pressing his clothes, coifing his hair and shaving daily when he didn't before, especially when leaving the house without you.

RELATED: 8 Things Chronic Cheaters Have In Common

4. He has an overnight change in musical taste.

What he said: "I've never really liked jazz. But I struck up with this woman; we enjoyed it together. I started listening to it all the time, just to think about her."

There's nothing wrong with trying new things. But when it's out of the blue and he excludes you from the change, it's one of the warning signs that something is amiss and he may be cheating on you.

5. He remembers things you don't or loses track of details.

What he said: "I was talking to my wife about a movie we saw and laughing about one of the scenes. She wasn't laughing. I asked, 'What? Don't you remember?' She then informed me that we hadn't seen it together."

As he spends more time with both you and his mistress, the memories of his time spent with her and the memories of his time spent with you will start to blur together. Schedules get crossed and he won't be able to keep track of where he was on any given day.

The time he spent with another woman is entirely unaccounted for — often, with no explanation.

6. He suddenly needs a lot of privacy.

What he said: "I was working from home and I started closing the door more often, saying that the kids were loud or that I just needed to work quietly. I was online chatting with my mistress."

Taking time for one's self is normal. But when it's out of the normal pattern or becomes more and more frequent, it could be a sign that something else is going on.

Going into work early, leaving late, getting off the phone suddenly, and taking lots of private calls from a "relative" are also red flags.

7. He changes his behavior in the bedroom.

What he said: "I started my affair and all I wanted was sex, but not from my wife. She knew something was up, because our sex life was always pretty active."

What he said (version 2): "After I started up with [my mistress], I started sleeping with my wife much more often. She told me I was really aggressive in bed and that she hadn't seen me that way before."

A sudden shift in your regular or familiar bedroom routine with no accompanying discussion of him wanting or needing something different is a big warning sign of cheating.

All of the men I interviewed expressed experiencing a huge rush of testosterone, which manifested as newfound confidence. They felt strong, masculine, and virile — like every woman wanted them. Their egos grew larger by the day.

RELATED: The Very Honest (And Human) Reason Why Men Cheat

8. He hides his financial transactions from you.

What he said: "I was meeting her for lunch almost daily. And our hotel visits were three or four times per week. Covering that was very difficult. I opened a PayPal account, got a PayPal debit card and attached a personal checking account to my PayPal account. I would make online transfers into PayPal and she couldn't see any of my transactions."

Most cheating men will need an untraceable way to pay for things like gifts, meals, hotels, and trips. Reloadable credit cards, PayPal or Venmo accounts, and eBay purchases are all great ways to hide large or frequent transactions. Definitely investigate any large, random transfers or cash withdrawals he hasn't told you about.

9. He has new "friends" at work and/or more work responsibilities.

What he said: "My company allowed me to work from home if I choose. But I'd started a relationship with a new manager at the office, so I started going in to work more often. When I extended my business trips a day before or after, I actually needed at a remote site, extended office lunches and late hours."

Office affairs are very common, especially considering how much time we spend working together. He might mention his new "friend" to dispel any suspicions you have and if you pop in to the office unexpectedly, or he might even introduce you to his "coworker" to throw you off the scent. Follow your gut and pay attention to his other behaviors.

10. He becomes secretive with his technology.

What he said: "iMessages on the iPhone are untraceable on cell phone bills. I would only text [my mistress] when it was safe and then delete the messages immediately. To this day my wife doesn't know how I communicated with [my mistress]."

What he said: "I downloaded SnapChat on my cellphone to communicate with her."

What he said: "I didn't want to send emails, which are traceable. So, we established a new Gmail account and communicated in the drafts folder, without ever sending anything."

Technology is now smarter and affairs have gone high-tech. New passwords on his phone or computer, password changes at your bank or phone company, or phones being "left in the car" were once easily to spot signs of infidelity. But now, cheaters fly under the radar by using technology to do their communication dirty work. Apps exist that allow text messages, online chat sessions and pictures to last for a certain amount of time (and then disappear).

Pay attention to new email accounts and new apps on his cell phone he doesn't let you know about.

While the behaviors listed above aren't foolproof signs of cheating, a few taken in combination are sure signs that something is up.

My advice is that you should be careful not to make accusations you can't back up. If you suspect he's cheating, sit him down for a long, open talk about your concerns.

If that nagging feeling doesn't disappear after your conversation with him, you'll have some choices to make — and perhaps some further investigating to begin.

RELATED: How I Found Out My Partner Was Cheating On Me, According To 14 Real Women

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Charles J. Orlando is a bestselling author and relationship/interpersonal relations expert who has spent the last 10-plus years connecting with tens of thousands of people. For more, visit his Facebook page, where he offers free, street-smart love advice to men and women around the world.

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