Why Leaving Foreplay Entirely Up To Men Is A Big MISTAKE

Expert
Sex

Does your notion of equality extend to the bedroom?

Even the most liberated women can fall victim to the idea that their partners should know or just sense what they need sexually.

My friend Jacky* is no doormat. A CrossFit Coach with a chiseled body and a devoted husband, she seemingly had everything a woman could want - except satisfying sex. Jacky rarely came during intercourse and her marriage had fallen into the dead-bed rut.

While she could lead a fitness class to tears with all the force of a drill sergeant, she couldn't tell her partner how to please her in bed. Sex was just alright..but not great. 

The issue was further compounded by the fact that she always climaxed with a previous boyfriend, whom she fantasized about constantly. When I asked what was so special about her previous partner she confided that though they had little in common he was - as she put it -  "A Level 10 Oral Wizard.”

For her, (and like many other women), oral sex was her primary orgasm vehicle. Unfortunately, her wickedly funny, financial wizard husband was no cunning linguist. 

Early on in the relationship Jacky had plenty of opportunities to be upfront and gave him the chance to better his skills. Instead, she opted to tell him she “wasn’t into it” to spare his feelings. The result? Her favorite sexual activity never became part of their repertoire. 

What had started out as an innocuous white lie didn’t only take away her husband’s ability to learn her needs – it also diminished him as her partner and took a toll on their sex life years later. 

Long story short, Jacky finally has a more transparent and fulfilling relationship with her husband (who now reportedly goes down like a PRO), but it took time, effort and considerable financial investment in couple's counseling.

What is it that you are NOT saying? Are you being honest with yourself and your partner?

Laying back passively while you offer the occasional groan of encouragement is not the kind of helpful guidance I’m talking about. When it comes to relationships, sexual pleasure is your right but not your entitlement.

You are both willing participants so be honest, vocal, and appreciative. Giving your partner the ability to learn your needs and desires (while you learn theirs) gives you both equal footing in bed. And, a little positive reinforcement goes a long way.

Once you abandon the antiquated notion that your partner is only there to service you, can you REALLY enjoy everything that sex has to offer.

Here are 5 ways sharing responsibility for your own orgasms can improve your love life:

1. Fearless sex: You are hardwired from birth for sexual pleasure. Owning your body and embracing your true erotic nature boosts your sexual self-confidence, making you feel “bulletproof” in bed.
2. Orgasms: We all want them, and we’re more likely to have them when we’re clear on what makes us tick sexually.
3. Honesty: Having more transparency in your sexual relationship and taking risks with your partner will keep your relationship hot, healthy,  and exciting.
4. Liberation: Becoming comfortable with your body and experimenting to find out what turns you on is exciting. Even more exciting? Having the freedom to pursue what turns you on with your partner.
5: Collective growth as a couple: When each person in the relationship is committed to owning their own sexuality, sparks will fly.

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