This One Piece Of Marriage Advice Captures The True Meaning Of Unconditional Love

Love, Self

Why do we feel the impulse to judge other people? Why do we think being judgmental of our spouse is OK and that we are entitled to criticize them, either mentally — or worse — verbally, despite what the prevailing marriage advice about how to be a better wife or husband says? Is that showing someone unconditional love?

What does it say about us when we judge someone else? And worse, what does it say about us when we judge our partner?

Well — for one — we ALL do it. Seriously, I think it would be safe to say that there is not one human being that has never had a judgmental thought.

So don't beat yourself up about it too much.

RELATED: What Real-Life Unconditional Love Looks Like In The BEST Relationships


Think you’re not a judgmental person? Try this: take a day — heck, take an hour — to REALLY pay attention to your internal dialogue about what you see, read and hear. What's your first (HONEST) reaction to events in the news, posts on social media, people you see or talk to? What about during your interactions with coworkers, friends and family? 

I’m even doing it HERE... judging you for being judgmental! (Sorry!)

Becoming aware of all the negative chatter in your head is a sobering exercise of self-awareness. By becoming aware of this bad habit we are also saving ourselves from future hurt in a relationship.

Being judgmental is a flaw that seems to be inherent in our nature. It goes hand in hand with fear and anger and sometimes feels like an involuntary knee-jerk reaction.

But why does it feel like we're wired for this negative behavior? Is it part of our primal fight-or-flight syndrome - attack before we’re attacked?

RELATED: 25 Pieces Of The Best Marriage Advice Ever (Collected Over 13 Years)

Is it compensation for not being in control of something in ourselves or our lives, or does it purely stem from our egos or the need to feel superior to others?

And most importantly, what impact does this trait have on our relationships?

These are some of the tough and thought-provoking questions that our YourTango Experts panel members address in this video.

Melanie Gorman (YourTango Experts Senior VP) asks Author John Gray, Personal Development Coach Jan Bowen, Speaker/Presenter Jill Crosby and Marriage/Family Therapist Nasrin Barkhordari to share their take on the subject. Tune in to their discussion in the YourTango Experts video above.

“Judge nothing, you will be happy. Forgive everything, you will be happier. Love everything, you will be happiest.”  — Sri Chinmoy

RELATED: The 50 Best Marriage Tips Of All Time (From 50 Marriage Experts)

These experts have so much relationship and self-growth information on their websites. Take a peek and feel free to contact John, Jan, Jill or Nasrin if you'd like to learn more about how they can help YOU control your judgment.