12 Answers To Kinky Sex Questions You're Too Afraid To Ask

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Sex

Just in case you wanted to know.

Your sex-ed class in 9th grade really left a lot of gaps in your knowledge of sex — particularly kinky sex. However, that hasn't stopped you from being curious, has it? Well, you're in luck, because sex therapist Megan Pollock is here to answer these questions you were too chicken to ask. (For the previous installment of questions, click here.)

1. Is there a way to make sure I don't fall in love with one of our swapping partners?

Yes, there are many things you can do to not fall in love. It's important to know what boundaries you will need to avoid developing emotional entanglement. While each person will have different protocols, here are some common ones:

  • Not having sexual relations with swapping partners more than a set number of times
  • Only having same-room encounters, which means your primary partner is in the same room if not directly involved in the encounter
  • Not having social relationships with swapping partners
  • Not having private communication outside of swapping encounters with swapping partners

2. What's the protocol for checking someone's disease status?

Ask when the last time was that they were tested, and ask to see results.

3. If a man wants to masturbate to his wife with another man (cuckolding), does that make him gay?

Watching your wife with someone else can be very exciting for a number of reasons including that you're watching her in a state of pleasure when you aren't distracted by your own performance, seeing other men desiring your wife, and being a voyeur. Watching another man can be healthy, sexy and exciting and shouldn't cause you to question your own sexuality.

4. Are there consensual, adult acts that are illegal in some states? 

Yes. Common activities that may be illegal (even if between consenting adults) include prostitution, nudity, public sex, incest, obscene telephone calls, some fetishes, possession and/or selling of sexual devices/toys. Additionally, some acts may be legal in parts of a state and illegal in other parts within the same state (i.e. it's illegal in 20 counties in Texas to sell sexual toys).

5. Where would a person get a gynecologist's apparatuses? How about an urologist's?

Medical equipment is widely available online, whether the website is sexual in nature or simply a national shopping website.

6. Is my kink really tied to some weird thing that happened to me in childhood?

Not necessarily. Many people have kinks that have no obvious correlation to anything from their childhoods. Certainly, experiences in childhood can be very influencing on adult preferences (sexual or not); however, experiences in adolescence and adulthood can be just as influencing.

Additionally, what is considered kink varies greatly throughout history and cultures. Some things may just simply be sexy to you, without any explanation needed or available.

7. What do people who are allergic to latex do?

They use products that don't include latex. The most common issue will be faced by using non-latex condoms, which are widely available. However, there are also a wide array of toys and apparel that are made with latex. These items should clearly have a list of materials/ingredients.

8. Can any woman learn to squirt?

Yes. Squirting occurs when sexual fluid is expelled forcefully. This often occurs if a woman engages her pelvic floor muscles at the time of orgasm (which can occur if she sneezes or coughs at that time). For many women, the contractions of the muscles during orgasm propel fluid inward, towards the uterus, which likely helps sperm travel inward.

However, in some cases, the muscle contractions propel the fluid outwards, causing the phenomena of squirting. It isn't a sign of increased pleasure and/or intensity of orgasm, rather a sign of how the muscles contracted. Thus, a woman can learn how to engage her pelvic floor in a way that would promote squirting.

But I would encourage women to connect with their own experience and not try to manufacture a response. Also, even if a woman squirts, most women don't have copious amounts of fluid as is sometimes seen in pornographic imagery.

9. Are glory holes real? What's the appeal?

Yes. For many, the appeals include the taboo nature, public aspect, anonymity of partner, no-strings-attached, focus on pure sexual pleasure, and ability to hide their own identity.

10. Is there a safe way to do autoerotic asphyxiation by myself?

In a word, no. Asphyxiation is never completely safe. At its most dangerous, it can cause immediate cardiac arrest and depriving the brain of oxygen can have very profound damage. Additionally, lesser risks include bruising, cuts, nerve damage, and physical injury.

However, there are ways to lessen certain risks from this activity. Never do it while under the influence of drugs, alcohol, and even many medications (including many over-the-counter drugs). Even if you're using on yourself, only attempt if someone else is present to help in case of emergency.

If you're using items to constrict breathing, only use materials that are easily cut through and have the appropriate tools available to sever the material quickly and safely. Additionally, it should never be done to the point of loss of consciousness.

11. Will I be able to have "normal" sex after using a cock ring for an extended period of time?

Yes. If you're using a cock ring for non-medical reasons, there's no reason you shouldn't be able to have sex without one. You may need to re-acclimate to enjoying sex without as tight a constriction around your penis.

Many men who use cock rings like the extra tightness they feel in a way that isn't possible for a mouth, vagina, and/or anus to provide. This can also be true if a very tight grip during masturbation is employed). Thus, a man may need to learn how to enjoy a looser gripping of the penis during sex, but it's absolutely possible to do.

If you're using a cock ring for medical reasons associated with erectile dysfunction, there are many medications available now that may provide an alternative for attaining and maintaining an erection.

12. Do women ever want to be dressed up and be treated like babies?

Yes, some women do enjoy and desire this.

Huge thanks to sex therapist Megan Pollock. You can find more at MeganPollockTherapy.com. And check out more from our kink series from Natalie Blais.

 

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