Why Your Boyfriend Is Suddenly Acting Distant — And How To Get Him Back

Love

Does this situation sound familiar?

Your new relationship is going incredibly well. It's exciting, and you and your new guy love spending time together. Then, seemingly out of the blue, your boyfriend starts acting distant.

You're fairly certain you didn't create a problem, but it's obvious that he's pulling away and that he's grown ;less interested in you and your relationship.

You may be surprised to learn that this is actually a quite common behavior among both men and women in relationships.

Yes, you read that right: women do this, too!

While we tend to think of it as a "man thing", there's actually no documented data that proves men are more likely to become emotionally distant in a relationship than women are.

Still, from the persepctive of our relationship experts, you'll more often than not find that it is, in fact, men who seem to get suddenly distant and pull away just when everything in your relationship seems to be going perfectly.

When this happens, it's extremely frustrating. You may begin to doubt yourself and your self-esteem may waiver as you try to figure out if you did something wrong, if he's not attracted to you anymore, or if this is even normal.

Why do guys pull away, and why is your own boyfriend suddenly acting distant?

Melanie Gorman, Senior Vice President of YourTango Experts, asked a group of big-name relationship experts — including relationship and communications expert Fiona Fine, author and relationship coach Gregg Michaelsen, matchmaker and dating coach Jasbina Ahluwalia and biological anthropologist Helen Fisher, Ph.D. — why men suddenly start acting distant in the early stages of relationships when things seem to be going to well, as well as what you can do about it if this happens to you.

They all agree: this behavior is completely normal.

As terrifying as it may be for you, when guys pull away, it doesn't necessarily mean they've lost interest in you.

In fact, it could actually be the opposite!

While we're usually quick to blame ourselves — and yes, in some cases you may be doing something that caused him to pull him away from you — the problem could just as easily be him.

He might be running low on testosterone. He might be scared (yes, men have relationship fears, too!). He may be overwhelmed by his feelings for you. Or he may be stereotypically afraid of commitment.

There are so many different reasons why he suddenly grew emotionally distant that it's important for you to avoid making any assumptions;

He may not be getting ready to ghost you at all. He may just be dealing with his feelings in a way you don't understand.

RELATED: 10 Honest Men Reveal The One Thing That Makes Them Commit To You

The good news is that there are things you can do to help your relationship get back on track when he's ready.

Here are 6 things to do when a guy suddenly acts distant and pulls away.

1. Let him have his space ... but not too much.

One of the main reasons men pull away is a lack of testosterone.

Women love to cuddle to de-stress because it increases their estrogen levels. The trouble is, it does the same for the estrogen in men (yes, men produce estrogen, too!) but while the increase helps to calm women, it creates stress in men as it also lowers their testosterone level.

Let your man go do some "manly things" to build up his testosterone levels again and he'll come right back to you, ready to handle anything. Just don't pull away entirely or he'll be left confused and think you don't want him back so he won't come back.

2. Don't rush your relationship.

Think back to your relationship and be honest with yourself: are you moving too fast?

It's a big transition from, "I'm single and ready to mingle" to "I'm in a wonderful relationship with this one woman." That can be jarring for a man, which is why when a woman comes around that seems to be worth it, they take a step back to understand their feelings and determine whether she's worth giving up the single life.

But if you're not giving him a chance to slowly adjust and jump from going on the first date to saying "I love you" and talking about your future, you're only going to scare him away for good before he can work it all out.

RELATED: How To Avoid Moving Too Fast In A New Relationship

3. Encourage him to have his own social life — and have one of your own.

Men are also scared that you'll take them away from their friends. Yes, on some level they want you to occupy most of their time. But they don't want you to be completely controlling and the only friend they have.

Yes, you're in a relationship but while your partner is — and should be — the center of your world, your world shouldn't revolve entirely around them.

Encourage your man to have a guys night out or to invite his friends over for the game. And take time for your own girls night without texting him every two minutes.

Ignore your man every once in a while and he'll find he can't stop thinking about you whenever you're not with him.

4. Offer to pay or at least chip in.

Whether right or wrong, men worry that the woman they're dating or interested in dating might only be interested in them for the money and the things they'll buy you. All those free meals you have on dates and the cute stuffed animals he spent $30 on trying to win for you at the boardwalk or the adorable bracelet he bought you for your birthday.

Show him you're not interested in him for what he can give you. Offer to chip in on your dinner date or pay for your own drink when you go out to the park.

He may turn you down but genuinely making the offer proves to him you're attracted to him for who he is not his bank account.

5. Keep things interesting in the bedroom.

Most guys do want to commit to someone they can go to sleep with and wake up next every day, but often, that distance you sense is his fear that being a committed relationship with you will mean he won't ever experience the thrill of having sex with another woman — ever.

So keep things interesting. Switch up your positions or try acting out some fantasies. Keep him coming back for more so you don't fall into a boring routine he'll get tired of.

6. Most importantly, do not chase him!

Don't go running after him! It's so important that we had to say it twice!

Instead, do things that make you happy to keep your mind off the situation until your partner returns. Take that pottery class you've been wanting to take for months or catch up on your scrapbooking or finally sit down and start that novel you keep talking about.

If you mope and worry about it, you'll be too hurt to stay with him when he returns. So turn this time to something else you're passionate about and you'll won't feel as if you'd wasted all this time waiting.

Even when you're in a loving, committed and healthy relationship, sometimes you just need a break. It's normal!

Just because he pulls away doesn't mean he's not your soulmate.

Give him a chance to catch his breath and realize how perfect you are together and how you are worth overcoming every single one of his fears.

RELATED: Why You Need To Stop Chasing That Hot-And-Cold Guy (And Get Him To Chase You, Instead)

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