How To Tell If Your Emotional Baggage Is Making You Emotionally Unavailable


Throughout our lives, we have all either been with someone who was emotionally unavailable or have been the person whose emotional baggage got in the way of a successful relationship.

After being in a relationship that ended badly, it's no surprise that you're having trouble being truly emotionally available in any of your new relationships (whether they're romantic or platonic).

So that begs the question: Can you ever really get over your old emotional baggage before entering a new relationship?

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There are a lot of people who struggle to overcome some of the issues of their past relationships, whether it’s something minor, like the way that your previous partner spoke to you, or something major, like whether he cheated on you or abused you in some way. 

In the YourTango Expert video above, YT Experts Senior VP Melanie Gorman talks about this topic with relationship and dating experts Jen Duchene, Carin Goldstein, Marla Martenson, and Kelly Rudolph to shed light on just how common this problem really is.

Despite this being a common problem, you shouldn't let the bad parts of your past relationships ruin your chances of creating a happy relationship in the future. Instead, you’re going to need to find a balance between the two so that you can be aware of the potential issues and still not let them negatively impact your new partner and budding romance.

That's why our panel of YourTango experts suggests that, in the beginning, it is best to keep some of the problems from your past relationship out of your new one. Bringing up the trouble your ex caused could eventually lead to problems with your current boyfriend/girlfriend because they don't really “know you” yet.

Doing so might make it seem like you’re a big complainer who bad-talks their ex — or even that you’re the one with problems, which is an idea you definitely don’t want to give your new love interest.

What's more, many times, hearing nightmare tales about a date’s ex-boyfriend or girlfriend is not only uncomfortable to deal with, but it can also make it seem like you’re still hung up on your ex.

And let's be real: If you’re meeting someone new and you can’t stop talking about the things your ex did to you, then you probably are a bit hung up on them — even if it really just means that you’re still trying to process the hurt that you went through.

These are signs that you might not be as ready to start a new relationship as you think, because your baggage from the old one is still definitely weighing you down.

Having a fresh start in your new relationship is the first step to keeping everything calm, cool and collected. It's important to remember not to weigh your beau down with unfair expectations.

Watch the video above for more ways to make sure that you’re not letting your ex’s influence on you ruin your future relationships!

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If you have questions about this or any other relationship issue, reach out to our experts! They're here to help and they'd love to hear from you.