Mariah Carey Wants To Renew Her Vows, But Why?

Mariah Carey

Ah, spring. A time for growth and renewal, in both nature and, apparently, Mariah Carey's life. The growth of Carey's waistline is an ongoing topic in the media, and plans to renew her two-year-old marriage vows are news this week. Somehow, though, we don't find these things quite as hopeful as May flowers.

Don't get us wrong, we would like nothing more than to be able to imagine the couple safely nestled in a blissful marriage, renewing their still-fresh vows amidst a shower of glitter and butterflies, feeding each other slices of Hello Kitty–themed wedding cake. Always Be My Baby is playing in the background, and Cannon and Carey gaze knowingly into each other's eyes, laughing quietly and making light of all the internet gossip that surrounds the pair. But somehow, we doubt this is the case. The combination of Carey's weight gain and erratic public behavior are too much for our rose-colored fantasy of celebrity coupledom to bear. 10 Coolest Cougar/Cub Relationships

Although post-wedding weight gain is a common occurrence, it's certainly less common among those who make their living in the public eye, and it's safe to say that Carey's yo-yoing weight is an ongoing issue. "Hey!" you might say, "Leave her alone! Lots of people have trouble with their weight, and at least she's not anorexic like many celebrities!" This is a valid point, reader, and we are also glad that Mariah Carey is not anorexic. However, when paired with her wildly unpredictable and apparently intoxicated public appearances, her weight issues seem to be evidence of a larger problem. She is unstable, at best, and that is no recipe for a happy marriage.

Cannon is ever-enthusiastic about the union, though, telling Us Weekly that they will renew their vows every year:

"I have to do it every single year ... if you were married to Mariah Carey, you'd want to marry her every year too!" he said. "I just have to keep doing it to make sure it's real."

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While we find Cannon's obvious admiration for Mariah adorable and enviable, we're still not sold on the idea that things are picture-perfect for "Mr. Carey." Life & Style reports that Carey "thinks he's not attracted to her as much now that she's put weight on," and while this may or may not be true, a drastic change in physical appearance has to put some strain on a relationship. And if Cannon isn't at all concerned about Carey's loopy behavior, then there's an even bigger problem. Let's just all hope that they get things sorted out before they bring another puppy—or worse yet, a baby—into the situation.